In That Very Moment

There's always that one moment where the realization of whatever situation you're in hits you, and for that first beat of it, the only thing you feel is shock. And then the emotion kicks in. Today, there was a pretty scary realization to me.

My best friend was missing. There were a few hours when my older brother Brandon had gone missing in a different state, and no one knew where he was. When I heard what had happened, that moment of shock kept me talking to my dad, and when I hung up the phone, panic hit me, and I lost control. I started crying and I had an overwhelming feeling of worry flood into me. I was so scared, and I knew there was nothing I could do. My dad didn't  know what was going on, and neither did the mission presidents or anything. We were all completely cut off from him. I had to go to work, and never once did the thought of my brother leave my head. Because in that moment when I heard it for the first time, every possible scenario popped into my brain. Even the bad ones. And it wasn't until we finally heard from him that I could breathe. But that whole time, I had a bit of a song repeating in my head.

"I close my eyes, I tell myself to breathe and be calm. 

Be calm.
I know you feel like you are breaking down.
Oh I know that it gets so hard sometimes.
Be calm."

There's always that one little moment between complete blankness and figuring out what you want to feel. And in that moment, anything can happen. In that moment, you can see the love, the hate, the good the bad. Everything. In that very moment, anything and everything is possible. 

Honestly, the only thing I can think of during this kind of thing is to hope for the best, but brace for the worst.