The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else.
You know something? There is one feeling that I have that is the greatest feeling ever. That feeling is not happiness, it's not excitement, and it isn't even love necessarily. It's safety. And there are only two places I have ever felt truly safe. In the presence of my mother, and in his arms.
There is one person that I have always loved. From the moment I met them to this very day. Maybe not in the sense that I think we should get married or anything, but in the sense that I just love him. He is the one person who has always been there. Even when he wasn't, I knew he cared. And. . . I know I should just give up on him already because there is no way he could feel the way I do about him. But I can't.
When you love someone, no matter what context, that love never really goes away. You can get mad at someone, but if the love is really there, you will always come back to each other. And that's how I know he loves me. He has given me countless second chances, and even though I can't really see what it was that I ever did.. He still took me back. Whether it was because I needed him, he needed me, or just because. We could never really be separated. Do you understand?
This one person has had such an impact on my life. And about that safety thing. In his arms... his embrace... even his smell. I feel.. Like all of the pain and sadness from the world is gone. Like nothing can hurt me. Like there is no piece of badness or destruction in all of creation that could ever get to me. But the moment he lets go or walks away, everything comes flooding back. And safety, that kind of love that someone can give and show you is not something that just happens all the time. In fact, it probably wont ever come more than once.
I don't know if you have ever felt that before.. But I have. And there is nothing more comforting than knowing that there is someone who is always close by to save you from the world.
Getting a good kick in the pants to keep you on track is something that your friends might not have the guts to give you. But he does. He doesn't care what the consequence is. If you need it, he'll give it to you. I've gotten them more often then I probably should.
Looking into his blue eyes, I see him. For who he is, and not what the world sees of him. I can see his pain and his proudest moments. Secrets he has confided in me, and things he never thought he would ever tell me. A week after we met, I knew him better than I knew myself. Now though... I feel like we've lost that. And that scares me. Thinking that he doesn't trust me or he doesn't feel it important to take the time to talk to me. Maybe walks at midnight and endless hours on the phone or just talking aren't necessary anymore, but little things here and there wouldn't be bad. You know?
I miss him.
I miss you.
Please. Know how I feel. And know that nothing will ever change the love I have for you.
Ever.
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